I'm Watching Us Fall
by lalalathisisme
Summary: Daltonverse - Sebrek. A lot of Derek's inner dialogue, him drunkenly  dealing with breaking up with Sebastian. Rated for implications.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I do not own the characters; they belong to CP Coulter and to Fox. The italics...which set the scene, are the song "Last Week's Alcohol" from Tales of the Bad Years written by Kerrigan & Lowdermilk. i.e. it's not mine. **

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><p><em>Happy drunk, grinding to a German techno beat. Shots all around. I'm drafting you a text. I'm typing sorry. I'm sleepy. Another night. Sad face ox.<em>

The party sucked. Everything sucked. He wasn't supposed to be miserable. He wasn't supposed to be the one suffering by pulling the plug on whatever pseudo-relationship that he had been in. Derek didn't like men. He had fucked Sebastian a few times – mostly to shut him up. But Derek didn't have feelings for him.

The shitty music was pulsing throughout the house as Derek nursed a beer, decidedly slowing down as he could feel his eyes glaze over.

He wouldn't text Sebastian.

He wouldn't.

**To Seb [1:06am]: I'm sorry.**

**To Seb [1:10am]: I'm sleepy.**

**To Seb [1:13am]: :( ox**

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><p><em>Vodka flows into any mixer you can find. Mini skirts shift. I see the lift of her ass. My pocket vibrates. I won't look. It's you again. And you're not here. She makes a pass. Screw the phone. Screw you and all your stupid rules. Are you alone? Are you dancing by yourself? Cause I'm out here, alive here. We're dancing here. Chugging from the bottom shelf.<em>

There were girls at the party – tons of girls. They wore short skirts and high heels, alcohol coursing through their veins, their standards dropping. Derek could have any of them. Derek could have all of them. His eye caught by a tall brunette standing in the corner. No, not standing in the corner, she was walking towards him now – her eyes locked on his, a small smirk playing on her lips.

Brown. Luscious brown eyes. And a smirk in a skirt. Derek could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he ignored it because Sebastian – no, not Sebastian – was walking toward him in a skirt. No, not Sebastian. She looks like Sebastian. Good enough. He could pretend she was Sebastian.

"Hey" she cooed in his ear, nibbling it lightly. He tried to smile. He tried to reciprocate.

She smelled like alcohol and perfume.

Derek felt nauseous. He sat there, very still, as she kissed up his jaw. After a few moments of being unresponsive, she spills her drink onto Derek's lap and stumbles off.

Sebastian would have been more graceful in getting Derek out of his pants.

Derek got up from the couch, stumbling towards the bathroom to wash to stain out. To get away from the swirling of people – none of which he cared about.

The music changed to a thrumming hip-hop song, the bass pounding throughout the house, shaking the walls. It was their song. Long ago. Or not long ago because they've only known each other for a few months, but the alcohol makes everything feel slower. Like time stands still. Like they were together for so much longer than a few weeks. Because Derek doesn't want to develop feelings after a few weeks.

Or even to a guy.

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><p><em>This is how it feels to fall in love. This is how it feels to fall. The weakness, the sadness, the sirens, the madness. The pounding in your chest, like you're racing the streets in an ambulance. I'm watching you. I'm watching me. I'm watching us fall. Fall...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Still don't own anything. Not the song or the characters.**

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><p><em>Do I see you standing across the crowded room? Like some montage or like someone's fucking dream, and I see you. In her face. In every face. Is that your scheme? I'm watching you. I'm watching me. I'm watching us….<em>

Derek came out of the bathroom, stumbling. He was able to wash most of the spilled drink and make it look less like he peed on himself. He ran into the wall for a moment, sobering him up slightly. Derek could feel eyes on him, and he looks up to see Sebastian's eyes on him, Sebastian is here. He's sure of it. Not just a girl who looks like him, but - no. Sebastian's not there. Of course he's not there. Derek all but threw Sebastian out of his house - Sebastian doesn't live around here, how could he have found him?

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><p><em>I'm so sick of parties.<em> _I'm so sick of being drunk._ _I hold my breath._ _Lips brush against my ear._ _But I don't feel them._ _Or know them._ _I just know you._ _And you're not here._ _And you're not here._

Derek is so tired. He is over being drunk. He is over pretending like Sebastian means nothing to him. And that scares him. The party rages on around him as he stands, feet stuck to the floor as he tries to come to terms with what he is feelings.

Derek misses Sebastian.

He misses the way Sebastian knew what he liked and knew how to read Derek's body. The people and the music swirled together, a mass of bodies writhing together, but nothing Derek wanted to see. No one. Because Sebastian wasn't there.

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><p><em>Yes, it might be the Smirnoff or all the Natty light. Yes it is weak. But there's nothing left to lose. So call me right now and I'll cave. I'll answer you and blame the booze.<em>

Derek felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, pulling him out of his thoughts. He fished it out of his pocket to see a text from Sebastian.

**From Seb [2:07am]: Come outside. We need to talk.**

**To Seb [2:09am]: I love you.**

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><p><em>Time is passing but we're still drinking.<em> _Life is passing us by,_ w_e're drinking last week's alcohol._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Oh and look at that! Still don't own the characters or the song. Also, some of the dialogue is borrowed from the song.**

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><p><em>House parties are proof the world runs to chaos. I go outside and that's when I see you. And you say, don't talk. I'm sorry. I'm scared of this. Well, I'm scared too.<em>

Derek stumbled outside, the cool air hitting his face as he peered around trying to find the familiar face in the darkness, almost believing that the text was just another moment that he had imagined. He stops short when he sees the familiar warm brown eyes, although this time instead of the cocky gaze that is usually gracing Sebastian's features, his eyes are nervous and unsure as he brings them up to meet Derek's steadily un-glazing gaze. A few more steps and Derek can reach out and touch the smooth features he has missed so much over the past week. That familiar face that has touched every crevice of Derek in a flurry of lust and passion and love.

"Sebastian."

"Don't talk." Sebastian pulled his hands out of his pockets where they had been, and reached forward to tentatively touch Derek's hand. "I'm sorry. I'm scared of this."

"I'm scared too."

Derek let Sebastian capture his hand with his own. Derek let Sebastian intertwine their fingers together. Derek let Sebastian tug him forward until they were standing nose to nose, fingers intwined with each other. Derek leaned forward slightly, resting his forehead against Sebastian's as he stared down at their clasped hands.

It didn't look weird. It didn't look strange. And for the first time in a long time, Derek felt comfortable. He felt safe. He felt something other an un-sated lust reverberating through his body.

Derek could feel Sebastian's eyes on him. Derek could hear Sebastian's shallow breaths as he waited for Derek to speak.

"I missed you." Derek whispered before closing the small gap between them and kissing Sebastian softly on the lips.

"I love you too."

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><p><em>This is how it feels to fall in love. This is how it feels to fall. The weakness, the sadness, the sirens, the madness. The pounding in your chest, like you're racing the streets in an ambulance. I'm watching you. I'm watching me. I'm watching us fall.<em>


End file.
